Magically attract who ever you want with liquid sex in a bottle.
That’s what some companies that bottle human pheromones and sell them online promise. After buying a bottle, for "investigation purposes," I asked a few guys around campus what they thought of the smell.
"It smells like a hot girl," sophomore Peter Vircuiz said.
That "hot girl" scent is composed of the sweat from a female’s underarms. That’s right - pheromones are made up of human sweat, preferably from the underarms, but sometimes it's taken from somewhere else. You're dirty if you look at this link; just use your imagination.
So maybe they do work, but how? It all started where things usually start: with a woman. Dr. Martha McClintock discovered that it’s not just members of the opposite sex who are affected by pheromones.
In fact, women who were exposed other women’s perspiration, a.k.a pheromones, caused their menstrual cycle to speed up or slow down. I’ve known this since the third grade. While growing up with two sisters and a step-mom, we all menstruated around the same time of month. My poor father.
Just think of what kind of world we’re living in. Being able to attract whoever you want... But wait, not so fast. We should stop and think: maybe there is a reason why the dorky guy who sits next to you in your creative writing class is attracted to you and why you can’t seem to stop drooling every time your roommate’s brother comes around. Maybe there is a reason that people are attracted to certain kinds of other people.
By spritzing yourself with pheromones, you could be messing with Mother Nature. Imagine if you sprayed yourself with the Flavor Flav’s pheromones...what kind of women would you attract? You might not exactly find yourself a soul mate.
According to an article in Psychology Today we are actually attracted to certain pheromones because of our genetic makeup. Humans typically are attracted to other people whose backgrounds and immune systems are different from ours.
So maybe its not destiny, but there is a system to this craziness, and by attempting to buy someone else’s sexuality and use it is not only messing with that system, it's being dishonest.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Monday, December 3, 2007
Bad guys still lurk during the holidays
After the stress of final exams has worn off and the thought of spending the rest of the month crammed into tight quarters with your family hasn’t yet happened, there is only one thing to do: get drunk and party one last time this year. 
But just because you're filled to the brim with holiday cheer doesn't mean that bad things won't happen when you drink. Alcohol doesn't take the holiday season off. In fact, alcohol-related injuries and deaths are more likely to occur during the holiday season- and according to a new study, this also means more crimes involving date-rape.
Forget Rohypnol “Roofies” and GHB - typical date rape drugs - because a new study says that alcohol is the real date-rape drug. For those of us who have seen our friends turn into unstable messes when drunk, this might not be a surprise.
The U.K researchers studied 120 rape cases. Of those, only two showed signs of GHB, but 119 of the cases showed that the victims had been drinking.
This study has caused a few articles in Men's Health magazine to claim that this is proof that women have been wrongfully accusing men of date rape when, "in fact, the blame was found to be firmly placed on women drinking too much alcohol."
Since most of the cases of date rape reported in the study happened when the victim was drunk, this raises the question, what constitutes as consent? If someone is unable to coherently make a decision about sex, does this mean that they have consented?
"Its not right that a guy takes advantage of an unconscious girl," says public communications major Karsten Anderson. "If a guy does that, he's a douche bag - plain and simple."
Just because a woman doesn't fight back or says "yes," it doesn't always mean she's in the right state of mind to make that kind of decision. It also doesn't mean that women aren't responsible for themselves and how much alcohol they drink.
Either way, the fact is simple: rapes of any kind are more likely to occur when alcohol is present. Now that we have the knowledge, we can fight against it.
Here are some tips on keeping drinking fun and not dangerous.
1)Don't accept a drink that has been given to you by someone else.
2)Keep an eye on your drink at all times and don't leave it unattended
3)Plan ahead. Know how much you're going to drink before you arrive and stick to that number.
4)Always have a group of close friends with you and watch out for each other.
5)Be aware of people who are pressuring you into drinking more than you want to.
For a full list of tips on rape prevention, click here
If you feel uncomfortable or have been violated in any way, FAU has a great counseling center and students can contact Angie Gifford, the victim services counselor.
But just because you're filled to the brim with holiday cheer doesn't mean that bad things won't happen when you drink. Alcohol doesn't take the holiday season off. In fact, alcohol-related injuries and deaths are more likely to occur during the holiday season- and according to a new study, this also means more crimes involving date-rape.
Forget Rohypnol “Roofies” and GHB - typical date rape drugs - because a new study says that alcohol is the real date-rape drug. For those of us who have seen our friends turn into unstable messes when drunk, this might not be a surprise.
The U.K researchers studied 120 rape cases. Of those, only two showed signs of GHB, but 119 of the cases showed that the victims had been drinking.
This study has caused a few articles in Men's Health magazine to claim that this is proof that women have been wrongfully accusing men of date rape when, "in fact, the blame was found to be firmly placed on women drinking too much alcohol."
Since most of the cases of date rape reported in the study happened when the victim was drunk, this raises the question, what constitutes as consent? If someone is unable to coherently make a decision about sex, does this mean that they have consented?
"Its not right that a guy takes advantage of an unconscious girl," says public communications major Karsten Anderson. "If a guy does that, he's a douche bag - plain and simple."
Just because a woman doesn't fight back or says "yes," it doesn't always mean she's in the right state of mind to make that kind of decision. It also doesn't mean that women aren't responsible for themselves and how much alcohol they drink.
Either way, the fact is simple: rapes of any kind are more likely to occur when alcohol is present. Now that we have the knowledge, we can fight against it.
Here are some tips on keeping drinking fun and not dangerous.
1)Don't accept a drink that has been given to you by someone else.
2)Keep an eye on your drink at all times and don't leave it unattended
3)Plan ahead. Know how much you're going to drink before you arrive and stick to that number.
4)Always have a group of close friends with you and watch out for each other.
5)Be aware of people who are pressuring you into drinking more than you want to.
For a full list of tips on rape prevention, click here
If you feel uncomfortable or have been violated in any way, FAU has a great counseling center and students can contact Angie Gifford, the victim services counselor.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Rumor Control: What Everyone Should Know About Birth Control
After being fed up with all the mood swings caused by my birth control, I wanted to make a change. So I did what the commercials told me to, and I recently asked my doctor about new birth control YAZ.
But while I was waiting to see my doctor, the nurse who was taking my blood pressure let out a little secret.
"Don’t go on YAZ," she said. "Almost all the pregnant women that came in this year were on YAZ."
Now, there isn't even the slightest bit of evidence to say that YAZ is
any less effective than any other birth control pill, but I decided to try a new chewable birth control, FemCon Fe. It's so new that there aren't any rumors about it yet.
Although FemCon Fe doesn't have a reputation yet, there is an ongoing war between the millions of rumors about birth control pills and the truth.
Take a look at some of the most conflicting rumors about birth control that both men and women need to know.
BIRTH CONTROL MAKES YOU GAIN WEIGHT
This is the most common beat-a-dead-horse-4-billion-times rumor. Up until about two months ago, all of the four doctors I asked gave me the same exact answer to that question.
"Birth control pills don’t make you gain weight - that’s just not true anymore."
Then they gave me a judgmental look like I’m a lazy sack of crap for even attempting to blame my fat-ass on something other than Cheetos and VH1.
If you do feel as if the birth control is to blame, you shouldn’t let a doctor tell you how a drug affects your body. There aren’t any clear answers about weight gain and birth control, but you just have to decide what’s better: an unwanted extra five pounds or an unwanted baby.
Bottom Line: Depending on the woman, it’s possible.
ANTIBIOTICS LOWER THE EFFECTIVENESS OF BIRTH CONTROL
This is a tricky one that I first learned about the hard way. A year ago, my doctor, knowing full well that I was on birth control, prescribed me an antibiotic for strep throat.
Being the neurotic drug-hater that I am, I checked out every possible side effect that might not be on the label. I checked out WebMD.com, and sure enough, it was right there in black and white:
"This medication may decrease the effectiveness of combination-type birth control pills. This can result in pregnancy."
Feeling high and mighty that I caught a mistake my doctor made, I called her office to tell her that she forgot to tell me that this medicine could make me pregnant. I expected an immediate "I’m so sorry" followed by a basket of my favorite flowers sent to my apartment. Instead, I got, "That’s not really 100% true. If it does lower effectiveness, it’s very little. It shouldn’t really affect anything."
Since my doctor disagrees with WebMD and the label on the drug, my next step was to call another doctor, who told me something very different.
"You should always use another form of birth control when taking antibiotics - there is a reason why that warning is on the label."
Maybe it doesn’t lower the effectiveness of the pill too much, or maybe it does. Either way, it’s not a risk I’m willing to take and neither should you.
Bottom Line: It’s true.
BIRTH CONTROL CAUSES CANCER
This was something that even I thought was true up until a few days ago. The reason why this rumor just won't die is simply because there was a time when this was true. Women who took birth control before 1975 were shown to have triple the likelihood of getting breast cancer.
Another reason this rumor is popular is because, in some cases, exposure to birth control has caused cancer.
The fact is that taking birth control can actually protect you from getting cancer in the uterus, and recent studies have shown that birth control is not linked in any way to causing breast cancer.
Bottom Line: False.
HOW DID THESE RUMORS BEGIN?
There are many theories about how rumors get started about birth control, but here are some of the likely reasons these rumors start.
1)Conservative organizations with political agendas use the rumors to light controversy about the pill, hoping that women will reconsider using it.
2)Some of the rumors are still around because of the high dose of estrogen pills that were around in the '60s and '70s. But today’s birth control pills have a fraction of that and have fewer side effects.
But while I was waiting to see my doctor, the nurse who was taking my blood pressure let out a little secret.
"Don’t go on YAZ," she said. "Almost all the pregnant women that came in this year were on YAZ."
Now, there isn't even the slightest bit of evidence to say that YAZ is
any less effective than any other birth control pill, but I decided to try a new chewable birth control, FemCon Fe. It's so new that there aren't any rumors about it yet. Although FemCon Fe doesn't have a reputation yet, there is an ongoing war between the millions of rumors about birth control pills and the truth.
Take a look at some of the most conflicting rumors about birth control that both men and women need to know.
BIRTH CONTROL MAKES YOU GAIN WEIGHT
This is the most common beat-a-dead-horse-4-billion-times rumor. Up until about two months ago, all of the four doctors I asked gave me the same exact answer to that question.
"Birth control pills don’t make you gain weight - that’s just not true anymore."
Then they gave me a judgmental look like I’m a lazy sack of crap for even attempting to blame my fat-ass on something other than Cheetos and VH1.
If you do feel as if the birth control is to blame, you shouldn’t let a doctor tell you how a drug affects your body. There aren’t any clear answers about weight gain and birth control, but you just have to decide what’s better: an unwanted extra five pounds or an unwanted baby.
Bottom Line: Depending on the woman, it’s possible.
ANTIBIOTICS LOWER THE EFFECTIVENESS OF BIRTH CONTROL
This is a tricky one that I first learned about the hard way. A year ago, my doctor, knowing full well that I was on birth control, prescribed me an antibiotic for strep throat.
Being the neurotic drug-hater that I am, I checked out every possible side effect that might not be on the label. I checked out WebMD.com, and sure enough, it was right there in black and white:
"This medication may decrease the effectiveness of combination-type birth control pills. This can result in pregnancy."
Feeling high and mighty that I caught a mistake my doctor made, I called her office to tell her that she forgot to tell me that this medicine could make me pregnant. I expected an immediate "I’m so sorry" followed by a basket of my favorite flowers sent to my apartment. Instead, I got, "That’s not really 100% true. If it does lower effectiveness, it’s very little. It shouldn’t really affect anything."
Since my doctor disagrees with WebMD and the label on the drug, my next step was to call another doctor, who told me something very different.
"You should always use another form of birth control when taking antibiotics - there is a reason why that warning is on the label."
Maybe it doesn’t lower the effectiveness of the pill too much, or maybe it does. Either way, it’s not a risk I’m willing to take and neither should you.
Bottom Line: It’s true.
BIRTH CONTROL CAUSES CANCER
This was something that even I thought was true up until a few days ago. The reason why this rumor just won't die is simply because there was a time when this was true. Women who took birth control before 1975 were shown to have triple the likelihood of getting breast cancer.
Another reason this rumor is popular is because, in some cases, exposure to birth control has caused cancer.
The fact is that taking birth control can actually protect you from getting cancer in the uterus, and recent studies have shown that birth control is not linked in any way to causing breast cancer.
Bottom Line: False.
HOW DID THESE RUMORS BEGIN?
There are many theories about how rumors get started about birth control, but here are some of the likely reasons these rumors start.
1)Conservative organizations with political agendas use the rumors to light controversy about the pill, hoping that women will reconsider using it.
2)Some of the rumors are still around because of the high dose of estrogen pills that were around in the '60s and '70s. But today’s birth control pills have a fraction of that and have fewer side effects.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Meeting Your Fling's Parents for Thanksgiving
If you're not careful, Thanksgiving could be the most terrifying day of your life.
It's stressful enough when you bring a new significant other home to meet the folks. But it downright blows when you have to meet his or her parents during the holidays. Face it, at Thanksgiving or Christmas, you're meeting not only the parents, but the whole damn family.
There are many do’s and don’ts when it comes to encroaching on another family’s Thanksgiving tradition.
The first thing to consider is if meeting the parents for Thanksgiving is a good decision or not. Going to your sweetheart’s family dinner can be the most rational next step in the relationship, but it can also be a disaster if the relationship is too new.
If you’ve only been dating someone for a week and he or she invites you to the family’s Thanksgiving dinner, that could be a red flag that this person may be way too clingy.
Before I let my boyfriend meet my family, I had to explain a few things... like the fact that my grandfather is a pastor and, if you eat before the prayer, you will be banished to Canada. If the relationship had only been a week old, I wouldn't have had the chance to tell him this. Without this vital knowledge, you could be walking right into a lion’s den.
WHAT TO DO IF THE FAMILY STARTS FIGHTING
No family is perfect. There is a reason why alcohol-related car accidents are more likely to occur during the holidays. Drinking alcohol can be tempting when forced to spend an entire day with your family.
One time, my sisters and I got into a fight during Christmas in front of my step-sister’s new boyfriend. He decided to add his two cents and say, "It seems like you both need to calm down and consider the other person’s perspective." My sisters and I stopped fighting each other and decided to aim our efforts on him. When a family feud begins to brew, lay low. It’s not your family and, if you try to intervene, you will look like the bad guy.
WHAT TO WEAR
More importantly, what not to wear. Shove the red pumps to the back of the closet and pull out the old sweater that your mom gave you in 1998. In fact, keep all the outfits that look like they could be on Flavor of Love in the closet and start thinking Kindergarten teacher. No mom has ever said, "Your girlfriend wore too many florals." Something classy and conservative is your best choice.
WHAT TO TALK ABOUT
We all know you’re just dying to bring up George Bush and Hillary Clinton, but leave the politics out of dinner conversation. Even if you think it’s a safe topic because you and your new fling have spent the last two months engaged in heavy conversations about presidential primaries and voting demographics, you never know where the parents stand on political issues.
One time, I got in trouble over a dinner conversation because I said the words "sexual orientation" instead of "sexual preference." Apparently, his parents felt strongly that homosexuals chose to be gay. I didn’t intend to open up Pandora’s box, but I didn’t know what else to talk about.
A cheap conversation trick is to ask about any random artifact in the house that looks like it may have family ties. Say something like, "What a pretty green vase." Or maybe say, "I love the paint color of the living room." Usually, these kinds of questions are perfect for meeting the parents, because they make you seem like you’re a genuine person and lead to a nice long story. Pretend to listen and you’ve bought yourself an easy 10 minutes.
It's stressful enough when you bring a new significant other home to meet the folks. But it downright blows when you have to meet his or her parents during the holidays. Face it, at Thanksgiving or Christmas, you're meeting not only the parents, but the whole damn family.
There are many do’s and don’ts when it comes to encroaching on another family’s Thanksgiving tradition.
The first thing to consider is if meeting the parents for Thanksgiving is a good decision or not. Going to your sweetheart’s family dinner can be the most rational next step in the relationship, but it can also be a disaster if the relationship is too new.
If you’ve only been dating someone for a week and he or she invites you to the family’s Thanksgiving dinner, that could be a red flag that this person may be way too clingy.
Before I let my boyfriend meet my family, I had to explain a few things... like the fact that my grandfather is a pastor and, if you eat before the prayer, you will be banished to Canada. If the relationship had only been a week old, I wouldn't have had the chance to tell him this. Without this vital knowledge, you could be walking right into a lion’s den.
WHAT TO DO IF THE FAMILY STARTS FIGHTING
No family is perfect. There is a reason why alcohol-related car accidents are more likely to occur during the holidays. Drinking alcohol can be tempting when forced to spend an entire day with your family.
One time, my sisters and I got into a fight during Christmas in front of my step-sister’s new boyfriend. He decided to add his two cents and say, "It seems like you both need to calm down and consider the other person’s perspective." My sisters and I stopped fighting each other and decided to aim our efforts on him. When a family feud begins to brew, lay low. It’s not your family and, if you try to intervene, you will look like the bad guy.
WHAT TO WEAR
More importantly, what not to wear. Shove the red pumps to the back of the closet and pull out the old sweater that your mom gave you in 1998. In fact, keep all the outfits that look like they could be on Flavor of Love in the closet and start thinking Kindergarten teacher. No mom has ever said, "Your girlfriend wore too many florals." Something classy and conservative is your best choice.
WHAT TO TALK ABOUT
We all know you’re just dying to bring up George Bush and Hillary Clinton, but leave the politics out of dinner conversation. Even if you think it’s a safe topic because you and your new fling have spent the last two months engaged in heavy conversations about presidential primaries and voting demographics, you never know where the parents stand on political issues.
One time, I got in trouble over a dinner conversation because I said the words "sexual orientation" instead of "sexual preference." Apparently, his parents felt strongly that homosexuals chose to be gay. I didn’t intend to open up Pandora’s box, but I didn’t know what else to talk about.
A cheap conversation trick is to ask about any random artifact in the house that looks like it may have family ties. Say something like, "What a pretty green vase." Or maybe say, "I love the paint color of the living room." Usually, these kinds of questions are perfect for meeting the parents, because they make you seem like you’re a genuine person and lead to a nice long story. Pretend to listen and you’ve bought yourself an easy 10 minutes.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
In Public and On Campus the Best and Worst Places to Hook up
In the parking lot, on a bench, or in your car, are some of the first things we think about when we think public displays of affection.
You wouldn’t be a true owl if you haven’t seen or done an inappropriate thing or two around the Boca Campus.
“I’ve seen used condoms all around campus” Katie Kendall, 28, Public Communication Major said “I think well at least they’re being safe”
A few weeks ago I saw a pair of underwear by the AL parking garage and I decided to investigate. I asked 25 students about the most popular places around campus to hook up. Whether your roommate’s home or you’re just trying to spice things up where are the best and most popular places around FAU to make out or hook up?
THE MOST POPULAR
Besides a dorm room the most popular place too hook up is in your car, but the real question is which parking lot? The most popular parking lot to hook up in is the parking lot next to the AL parking garage in front of the lake. PROS: always have the benefit of controlling the temperature and music selection. CONS: besides being a stereotype, the leg room is never ideal..
FOR THE RISKY
If you’re one of those been there done that types- the most unique place to hook up is, the laundry rooms in the residence halls- especially the student apartments. Be sure to pick one at the very far end of the apartments because they’re less likely to get used. Also make sure you stick to one side of the laundry room, so people can’t see you from the windows. PROS: All the tide and bounce make it smell pretty nice. CONS: someone could walk in at any old time with a handful of dirty clothes
THE SAFE BET
If you’re shy or nervous about getting caught-there’s nothing wrong with grabbing a blanket and setting up by a lake. FAU has plenty of wooded lakeside areas that are ideal for a moonlit moment with your sweetie. PROS: chances are you’ll have total privacy. CONS: You might have to fight off giant man-eating-iguanas, snakes, mosquitoes or any other FAU wildlife..
I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT ABOUT IT
When you’re trying to think of a public place to make out its hard not to think about the private study rooms in the Library. Although I haven't found anyone who has actually done it, at least admitted it,but almost everyone admitted they thought about it. PROS: automatic bragging rights for the rest of your life CONS: Where to begin. First, if someone walks in it won’t be just a student-chances are it will be an administrator of some kind and they won’t just laugh it off. Second the chances of getting caught are way beyond likely; they’re practically a sure thing. And getting shushed is never hot. .
JUST LIKE IN THE MOVIES
A park bench can seem like a great place to score a few kisses, but some benches are better than others. The ones by the lake near the AL building are most likely the best because they’re low traffic areas, but keep in mind that these benches are in a heavily lit area. PROS: Very romantic and sweet CONS: Not a lot of privacy, and if you’re not careful about your bench selection your special moment could end up on video..
GET CREATIVE
If you’re willing there are plenty of places to steal a moment or two- check out this stairwell, the area underneath is practically covered by all sides. PROS: It’s a safe bet that you’re almost sure to get away with, especially if you go there at night. CONS: Be prepared to battle off the creepy critters that have shacked up in the cesspool of mold under the cement.
BETTER MAKE IT QUICK
This wouldn’t be a very good list if I didn’t include elevators. They can be a perfect spot for a quick place to lock lips. Choose a somewhat deserted elevator-trust me there are plenty on campus. The elevator to the Ritter art gallery in front of the Library is virtually untouched. That may be because it’s so old and the doors open so slowly it makes you feel like you’re in a scary movie. It would be a miracle if the thing actually works. But that’s not really your concern. PROS: Unless there’s a security camera it’s a pretty safe bet. CONS: You really could get stuck and instead of spending seven minutes in heaven you could be spending four hours with a person you don’t even like that much.
You wouldn’t be a true owl if you haven’t seen or done an inappropriate thing or two around the Boca Campus.
“I’ve seen used condoms all around campus” Katie Kendall, 28, Public Communication Major said “I think well at least they’re being safe”
A few weeks ago I saw a pair of underwear by the AL parking garage and I decided to investigate. I asked 25 students about the most popular places around campus to hook up. Whether your roommate’s home or you’re just trying to spice things up where are the best and most popular places around FAU to make out or hook up?
THE MOST POPULAR
Besides a dorm room the most popular place too hook up is in your car, but the real question is which parking lot? The most popular parking lot to hook up in is the parking lot next to the AL parking garage in front of the lake. PROS: always have the benefit of controlling the temperature and music selection. CONS: besides being a stereotype, the leg room is never ideal..
FOR THE RISKY
If you’re one of those been there done that types- the most unique place to hook up is, the laundry rooms in the residence halls- especially the student apartments. Be sure to pick one at the very far end of the apartments because they’re less likely to get used. Also make sure you stick to one side of the laundry room, so people can’t see you from the windows. PROS: All the tide and bounce make it smell pretty nice. CONS: someone could walk in at any old time with a handful of dirty clothes
THE SAFE BET
If you’re shy or nervous about getting caught-there’s nothing wrong with grabbing a blanket and setting up by a lake. FAU has plenty of wooded lakeside areas that are ideal for a moonlit moment with your sweetie. PROS: chances are you’ll have total privacy. CONS: You might have to fight off giant man-eating-iguanas, snakes, mosquitoes or any other FAU wildlife..
I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT ABOUT IT
When you’re trying to think of a public place to make out its hard not to think about the private study rooms in the Library. Although I haven't found anyone who has actually done it, at least admitted it,but almost everyone admitted they thought about it. PROS: automatic bragging rights for the rest of your life CONS: Where to begin. First, if someone walks in it won’t be just a student-chances are it will be an administrator of some kind and they won’t just laugh it off. Second the chances of getting caught are way beyond likely; they’re practically a sure thing. And getting shushed is never hot. .
JUST LIKE IN THE MOVIES
A park bench can seem like a great place to score a few kisses, but some benches are better than others. The ones by the lake near the AL building are most likely the best because they’re low traffic areas, but keep in mind that these benches are in a heavily lit area. PROS: Very romantic and sweet CONS: Not a lot of privacy, and if you’re not careful about your bench selection your special moment could end up on video..
GET CREATIVE
If you’re willing there are plenty of places to steal a moment or two- check out this stairwell, the area underneath is practically covered by all sides. PROS: It’s a safe bet that you’re almost sure to get away with, especially if you go there at night. CONS: Be prepared to battle off the creepy critters that have shacked up in the cesspool of mold under the cement.
BETTER MAKE IT QUICK
This wouldn’t be a very good list if I didn’t include elevators. They can be a perfect spot for a quick place to lock lips. Choose a somewhat deserted elevator-trust me there are plenty on campus. The elevator to the Ritter art gallery in front of the Library is virtually untouched. That may be because it’s so old and the doors open so slowly it makes you feel like you’re in a scary movie. It would be a miracle if the thing actually works. But that’s not really your concern. PROS: Unless there’s a security camera it’s a pretty safe bet. CONS: You really could get stuck and instead of spending seven minutes in heaven you could be spending four hours with a person you don’t even like that much.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Men and Women May Share Similar Fantasies
Whoever said women are from Venus and men are from Mars must not have been referring to sexual fantasies.
During an episode of Private Practice last week, a female character was having the most unrealistic sexual fantasy in the history of sexual fantasies. Her fantasy consisted of a handsome guy saying things like, “I love your red hair” and "You’re so intelligent…that really turns me on."
Now I’m sure ABC was just using this absurd stereotypical fantasy for humor purposes and not as an actual portrayal of what women really fantasize about, but it made me think – what exactly are most women fantasizing about and is it so different from typical male sexual fantasies?
The media is constantly depicting women as either the innocent wife who always fakes a headache to get out of having sex, or the temptress with sex on the brain 24/7. But the reality is that men and women have similar sex drives and – drum roll please – fantasize about the exact same things.
Keep that in mind the next time you hesitate to tell your partner about your fantasies. It's understandable why most people would want to hide their fantasies from their partner, but consider this: almost every survey on sexual fantasies produced practically the same results for men and women.
The number one fantasy for men is to be with two women (I’m shocked), while the number three fantasy for women is to be with two men. Maybe that’s no surprise but what about this: another popular fantasy for men is to be able to watch two women together. And believe it or not, the number five fantasy for women is to actually have a sexual experience with another woman while a man is watching. (Oh my.)
For men, having a female take control of a sexual situation ranked number 10, and it's no surprise that it also ranked number eight for women.
The number eight sexual fantasy for men was to be seduced by an older woman, and one of the most common types of men that women fantasize about is the younger man - thanks to you, Mrs. Robinson. So maybe our fantasies are the same, but how could this help your relationship? Ahem - role-playing!
The next time you think your partner might not understand your weird sexual fantasies, chances are your partner is having the same ones.
During an episode of Private Practice last week, a female character was having the most unrealistic sexual fantasy in the history of sexual fantasies. Her fantasy consisted of a handsome guy saying things like, “I love your red hair” and "You’re so intelligent…that really turns me on."
Now I’m sure ABC was just using this absurd stereotypical fantasy for humor purposes and not as an actual portrayal of what women really fantasize about, but it made me think – what exactly are most women fantasizing about and is it so different from typical male sexual fantasies?
The media is constantly depicting women as either the innocent wife who always fakes a headache to get out of having sex, or the temptress with sex on the brain 24/7. But the reality is that men and women have similar sex drives and – drum roll please – fantasize about the exact same things.
Keep that in mind the next time you hesitate to tell your partner about your fantasies. It's understandable why most people would want to hide their fantasies from their partner, but consider this: almost every survey on sexual fantasies produced practically the same results for men and women.
The number one fantasy for men is to be with two women (I’m shocked), while the number three fantasy for women is to be with two men. Maybe that’s no surprise but what about this: another popular fantasy for men is to be able to watch two women together. And believe it or not, the number five fantasy for women is to actually have a sexual experience with another woman while a man is watching. (Oh my.)
For men, having a female take control of a sexual situation ranked number 10, and it's no surprise that it also ranked number eight for women.
The number eight sexual fantasy for men was to be seduced by an older woman, and one of the most common types of men that women fantasize about is the younger man - thanks to you, Mrs. Robinson. So maybe our fantasies are the same, but how could this help your relationship? Ahem - role-playing!
The next time you think your partner might not understand your weird sexual fantasies, chances are your partner is having the same ones.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Cleavage, Fishnets and Leather - Oh My!
Halloween may be a day to play dress-up for some, but it's a day to play slut-up for others. Let’s face it, the days of innocent bumble bee costumes are over, and the days of cleavage, legs and mid-drifts are in. The costume for the average college girl is all about skin skin skin!
In the words of the wise Lindsey Lohan, "Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it."
FAU girls certainly take advantage of that. I’ve seen more fishnets and painted underwear on Halloween than I have at a Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Why is it that women feel the need to dress sexier and sexier each Halloween? I suppose the holiday, in general, is so appealing because for one night you get to be someone or something else and not get thrown into the psyche ward. But really, why is it that one of the things girls always seem to want to be is a slut? On Halloween, the normally inverted shy girl gets to express her inner sexiness.
Most college girls take the word "sexy" to automatically mean someone else - not themselves. So maybe, Halloween provides one day as a special day to allow themselves to become that. One study found that a person's choice of costume can uncover a particular role that a person identifies with. In other words, if a person dresses up like a firefighter, maybe they adore fire fighters or think firefighters are sexy.
But beware if the person you identify with is Paris Hilton; you don’t want to be accidentally arrested for prostitution.
Seriously, don’t be fooled into the Lohan mantra and be prepared to take some heat for your sexy costume. There are plenty of people who believe that these revealing Halloween costumes disgrace the highly respectable names of cheerleaders and French maids everywhere. Maybe these sexy costumes are being judged for good reason - sometimes being overly sexual can cause a lack of creativity.
I truly believe that every girl who throws on a halo, soaks her skin in glitter and calls herself an angel should pay a Halloween tax. That goes for all the stereotypical costumes I’ve seen this year. The best way to fight the dreaded judgments is to become creative. Take a stereotypical costume and spice it up with something different, like Britney Spears after being attacked by K.Fed.
Either way, Halloween is about being something you’re not, but that’s no excuse to be unoriginal and super slutty.
Top Five most original slutty costumes I saw this year:
5. Britney Spears, after being attacked by an angry evil K. Fed.
Synopsis: Original, interesting and sexy.
4. Rubik’s Cube
Synopsis: Although I’m not sure how this person got into the costume, the difficulty of it is appealing.
3. Barbie Doll still in the box
Synopsis: Creative and symbolic.
2.Giant Hot dog
Synopsis: Maybe it's not exactly skin revealing, but I think the sexual innuendo is strong enough.
1. Sexy female Harry Potter
Synopsis: Trust me, it deserves to be number one.
In the words of the wise Lindsey Lohan, "Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it."
FAU girls certainly take advantage of that. I’ve seen more fishnets and painted underwear on Halloween than I have at a Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Why is it that women feel the need to dress sexier and sexier each Halloween? I suppose the holiday, in general, is so appealing because for one night you get to be someone or something else and not get thrown into the psyche ward. But really, why is it that one of the things girls always seem to want to be is a slut? On Halloween, the normally inverted shy girl gets to express her inner sexiness.
Most college girls take the word "sexy" to automatically mean someone else - not themselves. So maybe, Halloween provides one day as a special day to allow themselves to become that. One study found that a person's choice of costume can uncover a particular role that a person identifies with. In other words, if a person dresses up like a firefighter, maybe they adore fire fighters or think firefighters are sexy.
But beware if the person you identify with is Paris Hilton; you don’t want to be accidentally arrested for prostitution.
Seriously, don’t be fooled into the Lohan mantra and be prepared to take some heat for your sexy costume. There are plenty of people who believe that these revealing Halloween costumes disgrace the highly respectable names of cheerleaders and French maids everywhere. Maybe these sexy costumes are being judged for good reason - sometimes being overly sexual can cause a lack of creativity.
I truly believe that every girl who throws on a halo, soaks her skin in glitter and calls herself an angel should pay a Halloween tax. That goes for all the stereotypical costumes I’ve seen this year. The best way to fight the dreaded judgments is to become creative. Take a stereotypical costume and spice it up with something different, like Britney Spears after being attacked by K.Fed.
Either way, Halloween is about being something you’re not, but that’s no excuse to be unoriginal and super slutty.
Top Five most original slutty costumes I saw this year:
5. Britney Spears, after being attacked by an angry evil K. Fed.
Synopsis: Original, interesting and sexy.
4. Rubik’s Cube
Synopsis: Although I’m not sure how this person got into the costume, the difficulty of it is appealing.
3. Barbie Doll still in the box
Synopsis: Creative and symbolic.
2.Giant Hot dog
Synopsis: Maybe it's not exactly skin revealing, but I think the sexual innuendo is strong enough.
1. Sexy female Harry Potter
Synopsis: Trust me, it deserves to be number one.
Monday, October 22, 2007
From High School Grads to Husband and Wife
They walked off the stage at graduation and than down the aisle
We’ve all had that sudden shove into adulthood when we get the shocking news that an old friend from high school is getting married. The first reaction is denial; maybe that gold plated invitation with their names engraved in solid granite is just a type-o.
After the initial panic, we often wonder why this person, who was complaining about her mom’s cooking the last time you saw her, is free falling into the world of adulthood, and by adulthood I mean extreme responsibilities and a lot less fun.
In a few weeks I’m heading to a wedding, the bride and groom are both people I went to high school with. Naturally I’ll be stuck at a table full of people I haven’t seen in years I’ll have to manage a gentle way to skirt around the even bigger issue, “Don’t you think they’re too young for marriage?”
It’s hard not to ask this question considering some of my friends their age aren’t even capable of having healthy relationships with their house plants.
I understand the pressure. Just the other day my landlord asked me when I planned on getting married-yes my landlord! I never know exactly how to respond. But then again, why should I explain why I'm not married at the age of 21. I think 21-year-old brides and grooms should explain themselves first.
I hear people say all the time, “My Grandparents got married when they were 20 and they’ve been married for 50 years” But how can we compare a couple that tied the knot during the roaring 20’s to relationships nowadays, considering how so many things have changed. Many couples live together for years before they marry, unlike in the 50's and 60's when it was taboo. Not to mention woman are joining the workforce and are no longer expected to stay at home and raise the children.
Hre's a myth debunker to think about, many people, argue that couples who get married in their early 20’s have the highest divorce rates, but according to the New York Times, divorce rates have been raising since the 1950’s and age has little to do with it.
Most of my friends who are married or engaged argue that they are in love, and they shouldn't have to wait to get married.
Maybe it’s the abstract ideas of what it is to be young and what it is to be a mature adult that construes such controversy.
In the words of Albert Einstein “Life isn’t worth living, unless it’s lived for someone else”.
Perhaps being grown up happens the day you begin living your life for someone else, and that’s the day you truly begin living.
But if you do decide to marry young don’t be fooled into thinking your life won’t change, being a 19-year-old bride may have its consequences; apparently a wedding ring is a downer at parties.
Being young and married means you’re usually cast off into a social wasteland. Let’s face it, there is a place for crazy college kids, usually a small gross apartment, and a place for the married couples with kids, usually a home-depot.
Check out this story of a girl who became a social outcast after she got married.
In the end perhaps it’s better to get married to the right person at the wrong time, than wait for the right time to marry the wrong person. It all depends on how you look at it. But I'm not doing it!
We’ve all had that sudden shove into adulthood when we get the shocking news that an old friend from high school is getting married. The first reaction is denial; maybe that gold plated invitation with their names engraved in solid granite is just a type-o.
After the initial panic, we often wonder why this person, who was complaining about her mom’s cooking the last time you saw her, is free falling into the world of adulthood, and by adulthood I mean extreme responsibilities and a lot less fun.
In a few weeks I’m heading to a wedding, the bride and groom are both people I went to high school with. Naturally I’ll be stuck at a table full of people I haven’t seen in years I’ll have to manage a gentle way to skirt around the even bigger issue, “Don’t you think they’re too young for marriage?”
It’s hard not to ask this question considering some of my friends their age aren’t even capable of having healthy relationships with their house plants.
I understand the pressure. Just the other day my landlord asked me when I planned on getting married-yes my landlord! I never know exactly how to respond. But then again, why should I explain why I'm not married at the age of 21. I think 21-year-old brides and grooms should explain themselves first.
I hear people say all the time, “My Grandparents got married when they were 20 and they’ve been married for 50 years” But how can we compare a couple that tied the knot during the roaring 20’s to relationships nowadays, considering how so many things have changed. Many couples live together for years before they marry, unlike in the 50's and 60's when it was taboo. Not to mention woman are joining the workforce and are no longer expected to stay at home and raise the children.
Hre's a myth debunker to think about, many people, argue that couples who get married in their early 20’s have the highest divorce rates, but according to the New York Times, divorce rates have been raising since the 1950’s and age has little to do with it.
Most of my friends who are married or engaged argue that they are in love, and they shouldn't have to wait to get married.
Maybe it’s the abstract ideas of what it is to be young and what it is to be a mature adult that construes such controversy.
In the words of Albert Einstein “Life isn’t worth living, unless it’s lived for someone else”.
Perhaps being grown up happens the day you begin living your life for someone else, and that’s the day you truly begin living.
But if you do decide to marry young don’t be fooled into thinking your life won’t change, being a 19-year-old bride may have its consequences; apparently a wedding ring is a downer at parties.
Being young and married means you’re usually cast off into a social wasteland. Let’s face it, there is a place for crazy college kids, usually a small gross apartment, and a place for the married couples with kids, usually a home-depot.
Check out this story of a girl who became a social outcast after she got married.
In the end perhaps it’s better to get married to the right person at the wrong time, than wait for the right time to marry the wrong person. It all depends on how you look at it. But I'm not doing it!
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Facebook Complex
Stalking is no longer just for creepy old guys.
Thanks to Facebook, dating in college is much trickier than it was for our parents.
There was a day when flirting always happened behind closed doors or away from close friends - in a warm place where you can forget the outside world and lose yourself in a connection to someone else.
Nowadays, flirting is practically a thing of the past. Everyday we walk, we drive, and we pass by so many people we’ll never really get to know. We walk around campus like ants in an ant farm. We have a path to take and a job to do. We don't have time to stop and actually interact with another human.
Sometimes, we manage to make eye contact with a stranger, and we wonder, just for a moment, what that person is like. Are they funny? Are they depressed? Sure, we can make judgments about their clothes, their behavior, and even their walk. But to really know someone, you must actually interact with them.
And our generation does this on Facebook.
It’s not just college students. Match.com claims to have over 12 million users worldwide, and from 2001 to 2003, Americans more than tripled what they spent for online dating.
Our generation has become so intent on fighting the subtle art of sexual innuendo that we publish our flirtcapades in public domain for all to see, and this has caused a whole new book full obstacles for the dating world. Let’s take a moment and reflect on all the ways Facebook has changed the dating world.
The art of dating several people is tricky enough without Facebook. A male friend of mine, who shall remain anonymous, remains single but enjoys dating around... *ahem*...player. He tells me that he has to be careful not to be Facebook friends with any of the women he dates. If he dates a woman on Friday night and she wonders why he didn’t ask her out on Saturday, all she has to do is wait for his Saturday date to post a comment that might say "I had a great time last night, my underwear is still in your car." Friday girl sends Saturday girl a terrible message, and suddenly my friend has no date for next weekend. Not to mention, all the girls make it their personal mission to take pictures and then tag him. Tagging means anyone can post a picture and name who’s in it. By doing this, they alert everyone that new picture of that person has been posted.
We also abuse the poking feature, a Facebook design that enables people to cyber flirt. This lets someone know that we like them without actually dealing with face-to-face rejection. Genius! You might say. But what is this setting us up for? Check out this funny story of an awkward one night stand that resulted in a Facebook poke. If we allow ourselves to only flirt through a computer, what happens when the time comes to do it in person?
Another new relationship problem caused by Facebook is the pressure of changing your status from "single" to "in a relationship" that can cause drop-down-drag-out fights. When is it the right time to change your status? What happens when one person is ready to change their status but the other one isn’t?
Let’s not forget the lovely reminders of seeing your significant other’s ex’s constant comments and updated pictures. "Hey sexy, I miss you! Check out photos from my trip to a nude beach."
A personal one for me is the dreaded password fight. My boyfriend has my password but refuses to tell me his. Every time I ask why, he says, "You’re going to go through and delete all of my friends who are girls and send nasty e-mails to my ex-girlfriends pretending to be me."
I can’t really blame him; the man does know me best.
Facebook has also made going through a breakup much harder - as if it wasn’t difficult enough, let’s make it as painful as possible.
Thanks Facebook. Although most of us would not resort to stalking in real life, cyber stalking just seems too hard to resist. In the old days, you would have to follow someone around in your car and ask their friends what they're up to. But now, everyone publishes where they’re going, what they did and who they're friends with. After a breakup, many of my friends admit to obsessively checking their ex’s profile.
The reason for the online flirting blowup, according to Jennifer Egan, is simple: the world is becoming more secular and mobile, and so churches and other social outlets are becoming less popular. Since Americans work so much, we are limiting the amount of time to actually go out to find relationships. Because of our work ethics, many people are hesitant to begin a relationship with a co-worker. We are socially isolating ourselves and becoming more interactive on the Web. Only one question remains: does this change the dating world for the better or for the worse?
Thanks to Facebook, dating in college is much trickier than it was for our parents.
There was a day when flirting always happened behind closed doors or away from close friends - in a warm place where you can forget the outside world and lose yourself in a connection to someone else.
Nowadays, flirting is practically a thing of the past. Everyday we walk, we drive, and we pass by so many people we’ll never really get to know. We walk around campus like ants in an ant farm. We have a path to take and a job to do. We don't have time to stop and actually interact with another human.
Sometimes, we manage to make eye contact with a stranger, and we wonder, just for a moment, what that person is like. Are they funny? Are they depressed? Sure, we can make judgments about their clothes, their behavior, and even their walk. But to really know someone, you must actually interact with them.
And our generation does this on Facebook.
It’s not just college students. Match.com claims to have over 12 million users worldwide, and from 2001 to 2003, Americans more than tripled what they spent for online dating.
Our generation has become so intent on fighting the subtle art of sexual innuendo that we publish our flirtcapades in public domain for all to see, and this has caused a whole new book full obstacles for the dating world. Let’s take a moment and reflect on all the ways Facebook has changed the dating world.
The art of dating several people is tricky enough without Facebook. A male friend of mine, who shall remain anonymous, remains single but enjoys dating around... *ahem*...player. He tells me that he has to be careful not to be Facebook friends with any of the women he dates. If he dates a woman on Friday night and she wonders why he didn’t ask her out on Saturday, all she has to do is wait for his Saturday date to post a comment that might say "I had a great time last night, my underwear is still in your car." Friday girl sends Saturday girl a terrible message, and suddenly my friend has no date for next weekend. Not to mention, all the girls make it their personal mission to take pictures and then tag him. Tagging means anyone can post a picture and name who’s in it. By doing this, they alert everyone that new picture of that person has been posted.
We also abuse the poking feature, a Facebook design that enables people to cyber flirt. This lets someone know that we like them without actually dealing with face-to-face rejection. Genius! You might say. But what is this setting us up for? Check out this funny story of an awkward one night stand that resulted in a Facebook poke. If we allow ourselves to only flirt through a computer, what happens when the time comes to do it in person?
Another new relationship problem caused by Facebook is the pressure of changing your status from "single" to "in a relationship" that can cause drop-down-drag-out fights. When is it the right time to change your status? What happens when one person is ready to change their status but the other one isn’t?
Let’s not forget the lovely reminders of seeing your significant other’s ex’s constant comments and updated pictures. "Hey sexy, I miss you! Check out photos from my trip to a nude beach."
A personal one for me is the dreaded password fight. My boyfriend has my password but refuses to tell me his. Every time I ask why, he says, "You’re going to go through and delete all of my friends who are girls and send nasty e-mails to my ex-girlfriends pretending to be me."
I can’t really blame him; the man does know me best.
Facebook has also made going through a breakup much harder - as if it wasn’t difficult enough, let’s make it as painful as possible.
Thanks Facebook. Although most of us would not resort to stalking in real life, cyber stalking just seems too hard to resist. In the old days, you would have to follow someone around in your car and ask their friends what they're up to. But now, everyone publishes where they’re going, what they did and who they're friends with. After a breakup, many of my friends admit to obsessively checking their ex’s profile.
The reason for the online flirting blowup, according to Jennifer Egan, is simple: the world is becoming more secular and mobile, and so churches and other social outlets are becoming less popular. Since Americans work so much, we are limiting the amount of time to actually go out to find relationships. Because of our work ethics, many people are hesitant to begin a relationship with a co-worker. We are socially isolating ourselves and becoming more interactive on the Web. Only one question remains: does this change the dating world for the better or for the worse?
Monday, October 8, 2007
Just because she’s smiling doesn’t mean she’s interested
You’re at a party and a cute girl has been flirting with you the entire night. You strike up the nerve to ask for her number, and two days later you find out that she “accidentally” gave you the wrong number. What did you do wrong? Chances are you misinterpreted the signals. It’s not surprising that men find a way to horrendously misconstrue something platonic for something more sexual; women have completely different ideas about how to deal with an unwanted admirer.
Researchers have found that women do not send clear rejection signals and give more sexually explicit signals without being very interested. Maybe we’re just polite by nature.
Either way, you can’t trust what we say. If a girl is asking you about your class schedule, what kind of car you have and so on, the average man might misinterpret this as genuine interest, when in fact women are most likely trying to fill the awkward silence by asking the first few dull questions that pop into our minds. However, if a woman asks you more personal questions, like what color your sheets are or when your last relationship was, you might want to pay attention.
Instead of trusting her words, take a look at her feet. Women speak volumes with their legs. If her ankles are crossed tightly or she’s constantly moving them, this is a sign of defensiveness. Back off a little; you could be making her uncomfortable. If her foot slips out of her shoe or she’s crossed her legs and she’s bouncing one leg up and down, this is a good thing. A woman taking her foot out of her shoe is usually a sign of relaxation, and bouncing one leg up and down, well, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what that motion signifies. But beware if her shoes are completely off; she may be too comfortable. You better make your sexual desires known before you get dumped in the "friend zone."
Another mistake men often make is becoming too aggressive too quickly. Men feel pressure to amplify their signals when there is competition or the girl is not responding. This is the worst thing you can do. Back off a little and let her come to you. Walk into another room and see if she follows. Men tend to invade the personal the zone (six inches) too soon. Always let her invade your space first, especially if you’re unsure of her feelings. Being too aggressive might make a girl think you’re only after a one night stand.
Men usually think that some signals are ironclad and non-refutable, like touching, for example. For most men, a touch from a woman only means one thing: hot sex right now (I’ll meet you in the closet in three minutes). But, this may not always be the case. The first thing you want to notice is where she touched you; if it’s on the arm, don’t start unzipping your pants just yet. The arm is the least sexual area of our bodies. A touch on the arm could mean, “I want to start by touching you here to see how you react,” so don’t get discouraged. But it could also mean "you’re funny, I love you like a brother." Wait for her to touch you on the leg. Or, touch her on the arm and see how she reacts.
If you’re lucky enough to actually get the girl to go home with you, congratulations. Now all you have to do is not screw it up. Here are a few important things that I’ve come up with that you should not do once the girl’s in your room.
1. Don’t ask a girl to role play the first time you plan on sleeping with her. If you tell a girl on the first night you’d like her to pretend she’s a dirty older friend of your moms named Rose, chances are you’ll be spending the rest of the night with your hand. Everyone likes role playing, but usually it’s for couples who have been doing it since Reagan was in office.
2. Every girl likes puppies, but if your furry best friend happens to jump on the bed in the middle of doing the nasty, don’t turn to the girl and say, “Is it cool if he stays up here? Sometimes he gets scared at night.”
3. Hide all boxers with cartoon characters on them. A pair of underwear with Scooby Doo on the butt screams “my mommy still shops for me.”
4. Don’t ask us if we could be a little louder. A friend, who shall remain anonymous, once told me a horror story about a guy who told her to scream louder during sex. Some women are screamers and some women are mimes. This isn’t porn; you get what you get.
5. If you mention your old girlfriend, at any point, you don’t deserve to be reading this!
Researchers have found that women do not send clear rejection signals and give more sexually explicit signals without being very interested. Maybe we’re just polite by nature.
Either way, you can’t trust what we say. If a girl is asking you about your class schedule, what kind of car you have and so on, the average man might misinterpret this as genuine interest, when in fact women are most likely trying to fill the awkward silence by asking the first few dull questions that pop into our minds. However, if a woman asks you more personal questions, like what color your sheets are or when your last relationship was, you might want to pay attention.
Instead of trusting her words, take a look at her feet. Women speak volumes with their legs. If her ankles are crossed tightly or she’s constantly moving them, this is a sign of defensiveness. Back off a little; you could be making her uncomfortable. If her foot slips out of her shoe or she’s crossed her legs and she’s bouncing one leg up and down, this is a good thing. A woman taking her foot out of her shoe is usually a sign of relaxation, and bouncing one leg up and down, well, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what that motion signifies. But beware if her shoes are completely off; she may be too comfortable. You better make your sexual desires known before you get dumped in the "friend zone."
Another mistake men often make is becoming too aggressive too quickly. Men feel pressure to amplify their signals when there is competition or the girl is not responding. This is the worst thing you can do. Back off a little and let her come to you. Walk into another room and see if she follows. Men tend to invade the personal the zone (six inches) too soon. Always let her invade your space first, especially if you’re unsure of her feelings. Being too aggressive might make a girl think you’re only after a one night stand.
Men usually think that some signals are ironclad and non-refutable, like touching, for example. For most men, a touch from a woman only means one thing: hot sex right now (I’ll meet you in the closet in three minutes). But, this may not always be the case. The first thing you want to notice is where she touched you; if it’s on the arm, don’t start unzipping your pants just yet. The arm is the least sexual area of our bodies. A touch on the arm could mean, “I want to start by touching you here to see how you react,” so don’t get discouraged. But it could also mean "you’re funny, I love you like a brother." Wait for her to touch you on the leg. Or, touch her on the arm and see how she reacts.
If you’re lucky enough to actually get the girl to go home with you, congratulations. Now all you have to do is not screw it up. Here are a few important things that I’ve come up with that you should not do once the girl’s in your room.
1. Don’t ask a girl to role play the first time you plan on sleeping with her. If you tell a girl on the first night you’d like her to pretend she’s a dirty older friend of your moms named Rose, chances are you’ll be spending the rest of the night with your hand. Everyone likes role playing, but usually it’s for couples who have been doing it since Reagan was in office.
2. Every girl likes puppies, but if your furry best friend happens to jump on the bed in the middle of doing the nasty, don’t turn to the girl and say, “Is it cool if he stays up here? Sometimes he gets scared at night.”
3. Hide all boxers with cartoon characters on them. A pair of underwear with Scooby Doo on the butt screams “my mommy still shops for me.”
4. Don’t ask us if we could be a little louder. A friend, who shall remain anonymous, once told me a horror story about a guy who told her to scream louder during sex. Some women are screamers and some women are mimes. This isn’t porn; you get what you get.
5. If you mention your old girlfriend, at any point, you don’t deserve to be reading this!
Monday, October 1, 2007
Girl on Girl Crime
What is the deal with the entire girl-on-girl crime? Why am I always hearing girls say “I only hang out with guys” or “I can’t stand hanging out with girls − they’re so catty”?
Is it something they say to get attention, or do they really mean it? This being a blog about relationships, I feel as though I should start with one of the most important types of relationships: friendships.
Men have something women can’t even dream of: male camaraderie. They play sports, play video games or watch football. A guy’s night out involves watching the Chicago Bears or playing halo. If we're lucky, maybe a few minutes to talk about girls.
But what about us girls? When do we bond? A girls night out is usually compiled of looking hot (preferably hotter than your friends), going out and talking about guys (preferably to get noticed by guys). While men are bonding over Cheeto's and football, women are competing over clothes and hair.
Even when boys are younger, they play games like war, chase and hide and seek - all games with clear winners and losers. Little girls play games like house and tea party, with no distinct winner or loser. Therefore, boys can determine who is a winner by clear rules. When the game is over, they move on.
High school was one of the most awkward, self-hating four years of my life, but one of the best memories I have is playing competitive sports. Not because of the competition or the sense of accomplishment, although throwing mud in your opponent’s face while screaming “eat dirt” was always nice, but the fondest memory I have is the female bonding that I experienced with my teammates. We competed together, dressed and undressed together, we’d we cried when we lost, we cried when we won; either way, we cried and laughed together.
We bitched about our coach and our parents, and we never questioned our self esteem. There were no men in the locker room to impress or compete for. The only enemies were those “fat sluts” from the competing school. We weren’t subconsciously fighting over who the prettiest or skinniest girl was. We just tried to find ourselves through a connection to another human; another woman.
I didn’t know it at the time, but we were bonding they way men bond. It's more than just a bond: it’s an unexplained feeling that the people around you know you. They know you because - in a weird way - they are you. These women have breasts, they have a uterus, and they have passion just like me. Something a man could never know. But outside the locker room, in the real world, a woman does nothing more than invent ways to compete.
Fashion and weight aren’t obsessions that man created for woman, they’re obsessions that woman created for woman so that we could compete with each other without acknowledging any competition at all. Somehow, if I’m skinnier or prettier or bagged a hotter and richer guy, that makes me better than my fellow sister. In the words of Mimi Spencer, “being thin in an overeating society is a sign of control,” and being able to maintain that control is a way for women to show their status. See why women are to blame for our obsession with being thin. It's common sense: look at the women on men’s magazines like Playboy and Maxim. The women are skinny, for sure, but not as skinny as the women in vogue. Men like cleavage, and women who are extremely underweight don’t have it.
It’s this logic that drives women to starvation, self hatred and into uttering the words “I hate hanging out with other women − they’re so catty and stupid,” which is just another way to say, "I hate women because I hate myself."
Men compete on the field and in video games. Hell, sometimes men even fist fight their best friend just because they have some “stuff” to work out. But when the fist fight is over, they get to go back to that male relationship that I’m so envious of. Women are fictionally punching each other in the face with every conversation we have, every outfit we wear and every diet we do. If I could go back to my days in the locker room even just once or twice more, I bet I could kick every negative self image I have of myself; that’s how powerful that feeling is. And men, damn them, get it every day. When are we going to learn that we’ll never love ourselves until we start loving our sisters? We can’t have healthy relationships with men until we start having healthy relationships with each other.
Is it something they say to get attention, or do they really mean it? This being a blog about relationships, I feel as though I should start with one of the most important types of relationships: friendships.
Men have something women can’t even dream of: male camaraderie. They play sports, play video games or watch football. A guy’s night out involves watching the Chicago Bears or playing halo. If we're lucky, maybe a few minutes to talk about girls.
But what about us girls? When do we bond? A girls night out is usually compiled of looking hot (preferably hotter than your friends), going out and talking about guys (preferably to get noticed by guys). While men are bonding over Cheeto's and football, women are competing over clothes and hair.
Even when boys are younger, they play games like war, chase and hide and seek - all games with clear winners and losers. Little girls play games like house and tea party, with no distinct winner or loser. Therefore, boys can determine who is a winner by clear rules. When the game is over, they move on.
High school was one of the most awkward, self-hating four years of my life, but one of the best memories I have is playing competitive sports. Not because of the competition or the sense of accomplishment, although throwing mud in your opponent’s face while screaming “eat dirt” was always nice, but the fondest memory I have is the female bonding that I experienced with my teammates. We competed together, dressed and undressed together, we’d we cried when we lost, we cried when we won; either way, we cried and laughed together.
We bitched about our coach and our parents, and we never questioned our self esteem. There were no men in the locker room to impress or compete for. The only enemies were those “fat sluts” from the competing school. We weren’t subconsciously fighting over who the prettiest or skinniest girl was. We just tried to find ourselves through a connection to another human; another woman.
I didn’t know it at the time, but we were bonding they way men bond. It's more than just a bond: it’s an unexplained feeling that the people around you know you. They know you because - in a weird way - they are you. These women have breasts, they have a uterus, and they have passion just like me. Something a man could never know. But outside the locker room, in the real world, a woman does nothing more than invent ways to compete.
Fashion and weight aren’t obsessions that man created for woman, they’re obsessions that woman created for woman so that we could compete with each other without acknowledging any competition at all. Somehow, if I’m skinnier or prettier or bagged a hotter and richer guy, that makes me better than my fellow sister. In the words of Mimi Spencer, “being thin in an overeating society is a sign of control,” and being able to maintain that control is a way for women to show their status. See why women are to blame for our obsession with being thin. It's common sense: look at the women on men’s magazines like Playboy and Maxim. The women are skinny, for sure, but not as skinny as the women in vogue. Men like cleavage, and women who are extremely underweight don’t have it.
It’s this logic that drives women to starvation, self hatred and into uttering the words “I hate hanging out with other women − they’re so catty and stupid,” which is just another way to say, "I hate women because I hate myself."
Men compete on the field and in video games. Hell, sometimes men even fist fight their best friend just because they have some “stuff” to work out. But when the fist fight is over, they get to go back to that male relationship that I’m so envious of. Women are fictionally punching each other in the face with every conversation we have, every outfit we wear and every diet we do. If I could go back to my days in the locker room even just once or twice more, I bet I could kick every negative self image I have of myself; that’s how powerful that feeling is. And men, damn them, get it every day. When are we going to learn that we’ll never love ourselves until we start loving our sisters? We can’t have healthy relationships with men until we start having healthy relationships with each other.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
What our bodies tell people
We live in a society where most of our human communication takes place over the internet and through phone calls. We’ve physically isolated ourselves, and this can make dating a challenge. It’s amazing how much we say with our body language, and knowing the signs can make all the difference in the dating world.
Albert Mehrabian, a researcher of body language in the 1950's, found that the total impact of a message is about seven percent verbal, 38 percent vocal and 55 percent nonverbal. This means that what we say isn’t as important as what our body says.
If you’re chatting up with a cute guy at a party and you’re wondering if he's really into you, there are several signals to look for.
According to Tracy Cox, author of Super Flirt, if someone is just being polite, they’ll take the first opportunity to end the conversation. Give them an excuse to leave and see if they take it. Say you’re going into the next room to help the host or to get a drink. If the guy follows you, it’s safe to say you have an admirer. If he takes the opportunity to bolt, don’t worry; just move on to the next guy.
If you see a guy from across the room and you’re not sure if you want to approach him, there are signals for that also. Cox says when a man is interested in a woman who may be approaching him, he might try to “spruce himself up a bit” - meaning tucking in his tummy and sticking out his chest. If he doesn’t want to be approached, he’ll deter you by sending blocker signals, which means he could literally try to block you by standing behind a couch or group of people.
If you’re chatting with a guy and still aren’t sure if he finds you attractive, just take a look at where his hands are. If his hand are in his pockets, pointing down, Cox explains this is a sure sign of sexual interest. If he’s interested in you, he might also adjust his tie or try to fix his hair.
This one may seem obvious even if you’re not a body language expert, but if a guy places his hand on your lower back while talking or walking with you, he’s not only showing a sign of interest, he’s announcing to everyone in the room "back off she’s mine."
One of the more difficult signs to watch for is the pupil dilatation. Psychology experts agree that our pupils dilate when we’re exposed to visual stimulation that we like. It seems simple, but it’s true. If his pupils dilate when he sees you, he's attracted to you. I tested this one out myself one night when I handed my boyfriend a Victoria’s Secret catalog and asked him which set of bras he liked best. Sure enough, within seconds his pupils were fully dilated. However, this can be a tricky thing to notice; you might scare a guy off if he catches you intensely staring at his eye. Be careful!
Albert Mehrabian, a researcher of body language in the 1950's, found that the total impact of a message is about seven percent verbal, 38 percent vocal and 55 percent nonverbal. This means that what we say isn’t as important as what our body says.
If you’re chatting up with a cute guy at a party and you’re wondering if he's really into you, there are several signals to look for.
According to Tracy Cox, author of Super Flirt, if someone is just being polite, they’ll take the first opportunity to end the conversation. Give them an excuse to leave and see if they take it. Say you’re going into the next room to help the host or to get a drink. If the guy follows you, it’s safe to say you have an admirer. If he takes the opportunity to bolt, don’t worry; just move on to the next guy.
If you see a guy from across the room and you’re not sure if you want to approach him, there are signals for that also. Cox says when a man is interested in a woman who may be approaching him, he might try to “spruce himself up a bit” - meaning tucking in his tummy and sticking out his chest. If he doesn’t want to be approached, he’ll deter you by sending blocker signals, which means he could literally try to block you by standing behind a couch or group of people.
If you’re chatting with a guy and still aren’t sure if he finds you attractive, just take a look at where his hands are. If his hand are in his pockets, pointing down, Cox explains this is a sure sign of sexual interest. If he’s interested in you, he might also adjust his tie or try to fix his hair.
This one may seem obvious even if you’re not a body language expert, but if a guy places his hand on your lower back while talking or walking with you, he’s not only showing a sign of interest, he’s announcing to everyone in the room "back off she’s mine."
One of the more difficult signs to watch for is the pupil dilatation. Psychology experts agree that our pupils dilate when we’re exposed to visual stimulation that we like. It seems simple, but it’s true. If his pupils dilate when he sees you, he's attracted to you. I tested this one out myself one night when I handed my boyfriend a Victoria’s Secret catalog and asked him which set of bras he liked best. Sure enough, within seconds his pupils were fully dilated. However, this can be a tricky thing to notice; you might scare a guy off if he catches you intensely staring at his eye. Be careful!
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