Just because she’s smiling doesn’t mean she’s interested

You’re at a party and a cute girl has been flirting with you the entire night. You strike up the nerve to ask for her number, and two days later you find out that she “accidentally” gave you the wrong number. What did you do wrong? Chances are you misinterpreted the signals. It’s not surprising that men find a way to horrendously misconstrue something platonic for something more sexual; women have completely different ideas about how to deal with an unwanted admirer.

Researchers have found that women do not send clear rejection signals and give more sexually explicit signals without being very interested. Maybe we’re just polite by nature.

Either way, you can’t trust what we say. If a girl is asking you about your class schedule, what kind of car you have and so on, the average man might misinterpret this as genuine interest, when in fact women are most likely trying to fill the awkward silence by asking the first few dull questions that pop into our minds. However, if a woman asks you more personal questions, like what color your sheets are or when your last relationship was, you might want to pay attention.

Instead of trusting her words, take a look at her feet. Women speak volumes with their legs. If her ankles are crossed tightly or she’s constantly moving them, this is a sign of defensiveness. Back off a little; you could be making her uncomfortable. If her foot slips out of her shoe or she’s crossed her legs and she’s bouncing one leg up and down, this is a good thing. A woman taking her foot out of her shoe is usually a sign of relaxation, and bouncing one leg up and down, well, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what that motion signifies. But beware if her shoes are completely off; she may be too comfortable. You better make your sexual desires known before you get dumped in the "friend zone."

Another mistake men often make is becoming too aggressive too quickly. Men feel pressure to amplify their signals when there is competition or the girl is not responding. This is the worst thing you can do. Back off a little and let her come to you. Walk into another room and see if she follows. Men tend to invade the personal the zone (six inches) too soon. Always let her invade your space first, especially if you’re unsure of her feelings. Being too aggressive might make a girl think you’re only after a one night stand.

Men usually think that some signals are ironclad and non-refutable, like touching, for example. For most men, a touch from a woman only means one thing: hot sex right now (I’ll meet you in the closet in three minutes). But, this may not always be the case. The first thing you want to notice is where she touched you; if it’s on the arm, don’t start unzipping your pants just yet. The arm is the least sexual area of our bodies. A touch on the arm could mean, “I want to start by touching you here to see how you react,” so don’t get discouraged. But it could also mean "you’re funny, I love you like a brother." Wait for her to touch you on the leg. Or, touch her on the arm and see how she reacts.

If you’re lucky enough to actually get the girl to go home with you, congratulations. Now all you have to do is not screw it up. Here are a few important things that I’ve come up with that you should not do once the girl’s in your room.

1. Don’t ask a girl to role play the first time you plan on sleeping with her. If you tell a girl on the first night you’d like her to pretend she’s a dirty older friend of your moms named Rose, chances are you’ll be spending the rest of the night with your hand. Everyone likes role playing, but usually it’s for couples who have been doing it since Reagan was in office.

2. Every girl likes puppies, but if your furry best friend happens to jump on the bed in the middle of doing the nasty, don’t turn to the girl and say, “Is it cool if he stays up here? Sometimes he gets scared at night.”

3. Hide all boxers with cartoon characters on them. A pair of underwear with Scooby Doo on the butt screams “my mommy still shops for me.”

4. Don’t ask us if we could be a little louder. A friend, who shall remain anonymous, once told me a horror story about a guy who told her to scream louder during sex. Some women are screamers and some women are mimes. This isn’t porn; you get what you get.

5. If you mention your old girlfriend, at any point, you don’t deserve to be reading this!