Facebook Complex

Stalking is no longer just for creepy old guys.

Thanks to Facebook, dating in college is much trickier than it was for our parents.

There was a day when flirting always happened behind closed doors or away from close friends - in a warm place where you can forget the outside world and lose yourself in a connection to someone else.

Nowadays, flirting is practically a thing of the past. Everyday we walk, we drive, and we pass by so many people we’ll never really get to know. We walk around campus like ants in an ant farm. We have a path to take and a job to do. We don't have time to stop and actually interact with another human.

Sometimes, we manage to make eye contact with a stranger, and we wonder, just for a moment, what that person is like. Are they funny? Are they depressed? Sure, we can make judgments about their clothes, their behavior, and even their walk. But to really know someone, you must actually interact with them.
And our generation does this on Facebook.

It’s not just college students. Match.com claims to have over 12 million users worldwide, and from 2001 to 2003, Americans more than tripled what they spent for online dating.

Our generation has become so intent on fighting the subtle art of sexual innuendo that we publish our flirtcapades in public domain for all to see, and this has caused a whole new book full obstacles for the dating world. Let’s take a moment and reflect on all the ways Facebook has changed the dating world.

The art of dating several people is tricky enough without Facebook. A male friend of mine, who shall remain anonymous, remains single but enjoys dating around... *ahem*...player. He tells me that he has to be careful not to be Facebook friends with any of the women he dates. If he dates a woman on Friday night and she wonders why he didn’t ask her out on Saturday, all she has to do is wait for his Saturday date to post a comment that might say "I had a great time last night, my underwear is still in your car." Friday girl sends Saturday girl a terrible message, and suddenly my friend has no date for next weekend. Not to mention, all the girls make it their personal mission to take pictures and then tag him. Tagging means anyone can post a picture and name who’s in it. By doing this, they alert everyone that new picture of that person has been posted.

We also abuse the poking feature, a Facebook design that enables people to cyber flirt. This lets someone know that we like them without actually dealing with face-to-face rejection. Genius! You might say. But what is this setting us up for? Check out this funny story of an awkward one night stand that resulted in a Facebook poke. If we allow ourselves to only flirt through a computer, what happens when the time comes to do it in person?

Another new relationship problem caused by Facebook is the pressure of changing your status from "single" to "in a relationship" that can cause drop-down-drag-out fights. When is it the right time to change your status? What happens when one person is ready to change their status but the other one isn’t?

Let’s not forget the lovely reminders of seeing your significant other’s ex’s constant comments and updated pictures. "Hey sexy, I miss you! Check out photos from my trip to a nude beach."

A personal one for me is the dreaded password fight. My boyfriend has my password but refuses to tell me his. Every time I ask why, he says, "You’re going to go through and delete all of my friends who are girls and send nasty e-mails to my ex-girlfriends pretending to be me."

I can’t really blame him; the man does know me best.

Facebook has also made going through a breakup much harder - as if it wasn’t difficult enough, let’s make it as painful as possible.
Thanks Facebook. Although most of us would not resort to stalking in real life, cyber stalking just seems too hard to resist. In the old days, you would have to follow someone around in your car and ask their friends what they're up to. But now, everyone publishes where they’re going, what they did and who they're friends with. After a breakup, many of my friends admit to obsessively checking their ex’s profile.

The reason for the online flirting blowup, according to Jennifer Egan, is simple: the world is becoming more secular and mobile, and so churches and other social outlets are becoming less popular. Since Americans work so much, we are limiting the amount of time to actually go out to find relationships. Because of our work ethics, many people are hesitant to begin a relationship with a co-worker. We are socially isolating ourselves and becoming more interactive on the Web. Only one question remains: does this change the dating world for the better or for the worse?