Roommate Sexual Disturbances

In the early hours of a typical Wednesday morning, 20-year old Will woke up for his 8:00 a.m. Statistics class. He got dressed quietly in his sixth floor Heritage Park Towers dorm room on FAU's Boca Raton campus in hopes he wouldn’t wake up his roommate.

After finding out that his class was canceled, Will came back to his room to find his roommate right in the middle of having sex with a girl that wasn’t in the room when he left. Even worse, the roommate yelled "get out" and poor Will gladly left feeling confused and awkward. For the first time I've ever heard of, a college student wasn't happy that a Statistics class was canceled.

During the 15 minutes that Will was walking to his class and back again, his roommate was making a phone call to a girl he was seeing at the time and told her that the coast was clear for her to come into the room. How romantic.

With military precision, Will’s roommate executed the classic rump-and-hump meeting. If it weren’t for some lazy professor canceling class, the execution would have gone a whole lot smoother.

As if the tiny beds, nosy RAs and paper thin walls aren’t enough, many college students have to deal with the dreaded issue of trying to have sex without disturbing their roommates... even resorting to James-Bond-style planning. Seriously, getting laid just shouldn't be so hard (no pun intended).

With a little communication and some education on sex etiquette, it’s possible that Will and his roommate – and college students everywhere - can co-habit and get laid.

On that note, let’s all take the time to consider each other’s feelings and go over a page from my sexual etiquette rulebook.


THE RULES OF SEXUAL ETTIQUETTE WHILE LIVING WITH A ROOMMATE

1. Have a unique signal. A traditional tie on the door won't cut it because if your other roommates find out what the signal is, they will go out of their way to mess with you while you’re sealing the deal. Being an immature jerk to your roommates is practically a rite of passage for college kids.

2. Get a fish tank. Wait... just hear me out. For one thing, fish are the only pets on-campus students are allowed to have in their rooms. The tanks have really loud pumps that can drown out noises. If your roommate ever wakes up and says "what's that vibrating noise?" Blaming the fish tank pump is always a good fallback and even a great "signal."

3. Work out your schedules and stick to them. Put your class and work schedule up on the wall. This way, your roommate can plainly see when you will be around. Hopefully, your roommate will respect that and do the same. More importantly stick to that schedule. If plans change or a class gets canceled last minute, stay out of the room until the appropriate time.

4. Call me old fashioned, but sometimes a simple phone call can save you a world of embarrassment. If your plans change or you randomly come up to the room, give your roomie a call or a text just to let him or her know you’re on your way up.

Keep these tips in mind the next time the mood strikes and your roommate is just sitting there cutting his or her toe nails. Please, let's all work together; feel free to add onto this list.