Farting Equals Love

A few weeks ago, a friend frantically called me, screaming and crying on the phone. "He did it! He finally did it!" she screamed.

Fearing that my friend had gotten engaged, I calmly asked, "Did what?"

"He finally farted in front of me!"

I reacted the way any other classy college women would have: "Congratulations."

Karen explained that she and Mike were finally at a comfortable point in their relationship. Up until that point, neither one of them would fart in front of the other.

In fact, Mike and Karen had gone almost four months into their relationship without the sweet release of flatulence in the other's presence. To them, it had gotten to the point of being a serious competition - which one would pass gas first. Neither one of them wanted to be the one to present the awkward first fart.

The competition would result in my friend making numerous dashes into another room at random moments and even an incident on I-95 when Mike actually stopped the car to get out and pass gas. Finally, during an episode of I love New York, Mike caved and let one rip, which to Karen was a sign that he really cared about her.

It might sound creepy, but being able to fart in front of a person can be a sign of a really healthy relationship.

Not just farting, but it's all of the little personal habits we usually save for alone time. Like binging on an entire pint of Häagen-Dazs while wearing old sweats and watching re-runs of Saved by the Bell. As Tracy Cox explains here, letting someone into your personal world can bring your relationship to the next level.

When your personal habits become something that you can do in front of your significant other, that’s when you know it's right.

But be aware that there is such a thing as a courting stage when it just isn’t appropriate to let one rip in front of someone. Farting in front of your girlfriend can be a sign of commitment, but farting in front of a girl on a first date can be a sign of bad things to come. If you don't have enough class to show her respect in the beginning, she might not be so willing to keep you around. Maybe that’s the reason why romantic dinners are usually candle-lit... to cover the fumes.

There might not be an exact standard amount of time before it’s socially acceptable to pass gas in front of your sweetie. You just have to feel it out for yourself (no pun intended).

For me, it was a pretty simple test. An accidental fart made me realize that I had found the one. It was only our second date, so when the urge to let one rip came over me, I thought it was best to hold it in. But my strategy completely back-fired (again, no pun intended) and in my efforts to clinch, my body ended up letting out a high pitched "biiiinnngggggg!!"

He started to laugh, and now over two years later we're still happy. For us, two days was enough time. For others, it could take anywhere from three weeks to five months. Either way, it’s not really a healthy relationship until you can comfortably pass gas. If your boyfriend or girlfriend is hiding bodily functions, imagine what else they could be hiding.