Cleavage, Fishnets and Leather - Oh My!

Halloween may be a day to play dress-up for some, but it's a day to play slut-up for others. Let’s face it, the days of innocent bumble bee costumes are over, and the days of cleavage, legs and mid-drifts are in. The costume for the average college girl is all about skin skin skin!

In the words of the wise Lindsey Lohan, "Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it."

FAU girls certainly take advantage of that. I’ve seen more fishnets and painted underwear on Halloween than I have at a Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Why is it that women feel the need to dress sexier and sexier each Halloween? I suppose the holiday, in general, is so appealing because for one night you get to be someone or something else and not get thrown into the psyche ward. But really, why is it that one of the things girls always seem to want to be is a slut? On Halloween, the normally inverted shy girl gets to express her inner sexiness.

Most college girls take the word "sexy" to automatically mean someone else - not themselves. So maybe, Halloween provides one day as a special day to allow themselves to become that. One study found that a person's choice of costume can uncover a particular role that a person identifies with. In other words, if a person dresses up like a firefighter, maybe they adore fire fighters or think firefighters are sexy.

But beware if the person you identify with is Paris Hilton; you don’t want to be accidentally arrested for prostitution.

Seriously, don’t be fooled into the Lohan mantra and be prepared to take some heat for your sexy costume. There are plenty of people who believe that these revealing Halloween costumes disgrace the highly respectable names of cheerleaders and French maids everywhere. Maybe these sexy costumes are being judged for good reason - sometimes being overly sexual can cause a lack of creativity.

I truly believe that every girl who throws on a halo, soaks her skin in glitter and calls herself an angel should pay a Halloween tax. That goes for all the stereotypical costumes I’ve seen this year. The best way to fight the dreaded judgments is to become creative. Take a stereotypical costume and spice it up with something different, like Britney Spears after being attacked by K.Fed.

Either way, Halloween is about being something you’re not, but that’s no excuse to be unoriginal and super slutty.

Top Five most original slutty costumes I saw this year:

5. Britney Spears, after being attacked by an angry evil K. Fed.
Synopsis: Original, interesting and sexy.

4. Rubik’s Cube
Synopsis: Although I’m not sure how this person got into the costume, the difficulty of it is appealing.

3. Barbie Doll still in the box
Synopsis: Creative and symbolic.

2.Giant Hot dog
Synopsis: Maybe it's not exactly skin revealing, but I think the sexual innuendo is strong enough.

1. Sexy female Harry Potter
Synopsis: Trust me, it deserves to be number one.

From High School Grads to Husband and Wife

They walked off the stage at graduation and than down the aisle

We’ve all had that sudden shove into adulthood when we get the shocking news that an old friend from high school is getting married. The first reaction is denial; maybe that gold plated invitation with their names engraved in solid granite is just a type-o.

After the initial panic, we often wonder why this person, who was complaining about her mom’s cooking the last time you saw her, is free falling into the world of adulthood, and by adulthood I mean extreme responsibilities and a lot less fun.

In a few weeks I’m heading to a wedding, the bride and groom are both people I went to high school with. Naturally I’ll be stuck at a table full of people I haven’t seen in years I’ll have to manage a gentle way to skirt around the even bigger issue, “Don’t you think they’re too young for marriage?”

It’s hard not to ask this question considering some of my friends their age aren’t even capable of having healthy relationships with their house plants.

I understand the pressure. Just the other day my landlord asked me when I planned on getting married-yes my landlord! I never know exactly how to respond. But then again, why should I explain why I'm not married at the age of 21. I think 21-year-old brides and grooms should explain themselves first.

I hear people say all the time, “My Grandparents got married when they were 20 and they’ve been married for 50 years” But how can we compare a couple that tied the knot during the roaring 20’s to relationships nowadays, considering how so many things have changed. Many couples live together for years before they marry, unlike in the 50's and 60's when it was taboo. Not to mention woman are joining the workforce and are no longer expected to stay at home and raise the children.

Hre's a myth debunker to think about, many people, argue that couples who get married in their early 20’s have the highest divorce rates, but according to the New York Times, divorce rates have been raising since the 1950’s and age has little to do with it.

Most of my friends who are married or engaged argue that they are in love, and they shouldn't have to wait to get married.
Maybe it’s the abstract ideas of what it is to be young and what it is to be a mature adult that construes such controversy.
In the words of Albert Einstein “Life isn’t worth living, unless it’s lived for someone else”.
Perhaps being grown up happens the day you begin living your life for someone else, and that’s the day you truly begin living.

But if you do decide to marry young don’t be fooled into thinking your life won’t change, being a 19-year-old bride may have its consequences; apparently a wedding ring is a downer at parties.

Being young and married means you’re usually cast off into a social wasteland. Let’s face it, there is a place for crazy college kids, usually a small gross apartment, and a place for the married couples with kids, usually a home-depot.
Check out this story of a girl who became a social outcast after she got married.

In the end perhaps it’s better to get married to the right person at the wrong time, than wait for the right time to marry the wrong person. It all depends on how you look at it. But I'm not doing it!

Facebook Complex

Stalking is no longer just for creepy old guys.

Thanks to Facebook, dating in college is much trickier than it was for our parents.

There was a day when flirting always happened behind closed doors or away from close friends - in a warm place where you can forget the outside world and lose yourself in a connection to someone else.

Nowadays, flirting is practically a thing of the past. Everyday we walk, we drive, and we pass by so many people we’ll never really get to know. We walk around campus like ants in an ant farm. We have a path to take and a job to do. We don't have time to stop and actually interact with another human.

Sometimes, we manage to make eye contact with a stranger, and we wonder, just for a moment, what that person is like. Are they funny? Are they depressed? Sure, we can make judgments about their clothes, their behavior, and even their walk. But to really know someone, you must actually interact with them.
And our generation does this on Facebook.

It’s not just college students. Match.com claims to have over 12 million users worldwide, and from 2001 to 2003, Americans more than tripled what they spent for online dating.

Our generation has become so intent on fighting the subtle art of sexual innuendo that we publish our flirtcapades in public domain for all to see, and this has caused a whole new book full obstacles for the dating world. Let’s take a moment and reflect on all the ways Facebook has changed the dating world.

The art of dating several people is tricky enough without Facebook. A male friend of mine, who shall remain anonymous, remains single but enjoys dating around... *ahem*...player. He tells me that he has to be careful not to be Facebook friends with any of the women he dates. If he dates a woman on Friday night and she wonders why he didn’t ask her out on Saturday, all she has to do is wait for his Saturday date to post a comment that might say "I had a great time last night, my underwear is still in your car." Friday girl sends Saturday girl a terrible message, and suddenly my friend has no date for next weekend. Not to mention, all the girls make it their personal mission to take pictures and then tag him. Tagging means anyone can post a picture and name who’s in it. By doing this, they alert everyone that new picture of that person has been posted.

We also abuse the poking feature, a Facebook design that enables people to cyber flirt. This lets someone know that we like them without actually dealing with face-to-face rejection. Genius! You might say. But what is this setting us up for? Check out this funny story of an awkward one night stand that resulted in a Facebook poke. If we allow ourselves to only flirt through a computer, what happens when the time comes to do it in person?

Another new relationship problem caused by Facebook is the pressure of changing your status from "single" to "in a relationship" that can cause drop-down-drag-out fights. When is it the right time to change your status? What happens when one person is ready to change their status but the other one isn’t?

Let’s not forget the lovely reminders of seeing your significant other’s ex’s constant comments and updated pictures. "Hey sexy, I miss you! Check out photos from my trip to a nude beach."

A personal one for me is the dreaded password fight. My boyfriend has my password but refuses to tell me his. Every time I ask why, he says, "You’re going to go through and delete all of my friends who are girls and send nasty e-mails to my ex-girlfriends pretending to be me."

I can’t really blame him; the man does know me best.

Facebook has also made going through a breakup much harder - as if it wasn’t difficult enough, let’s make it as painful as possible.
Thanks Facebook. Although most of us would not resort to stalking in real life, cyber stalking just seems too hard to resist. In the old days, you would have to follow someone around in your car and ask their friends what they're up to. But now, everyone publishes where they’re going, what they did and who they're friends with. After a breakup, many of my friends admit to obsessively checking their ex’s profile.

The reason for the online flirting blowup, according to Jennifer Egan, is simple: the world is becoming more secular and mobile, and so churches and other social outlets are becoming less popular. Since Americans work so much, we are limiting the amount of time to actually go out to find relationships. Because of our work ethics, many people are hesitant to begin a relationship with a co-worker. We are socially isolating ourselves and becoming more interactive on the Web. Only one question remains: does this change the dating world for the better or for the worse?

Just because she’s smiling doesn’t mean she’s interested

You’re at a party and a cute girl has been flirting with you the entire night. You strike up the nerve to ask for her number, and two days later you find out that she “accidentally” gave you the wrong number. What did you do wrong? Chances are you misinterpreted the signals. It’s not surprising that men find a way to horrendously misconstrue something platonic for something more sexual; women have completely different ideas about how to deal with an unwanted admirer.

Researchers have found that women do not send clear rejection signals and give more sexually explicit signals without being very interested. Maybe we’re just polite by nature.

Either way, you can’t trust what we say. If a girl is asking you about your class schedule, what kind of car you have and so on, the average man might misinterpret this as genuine interest, when in fact women are most likely trying to fill the awkward silence by asking the first few dull questions that pop into our minds. However, if a woman asks you more personal questions, like what color your sheets are or when your last relationship was, you might want to pay attention.

Instead of trusting her words, take a look at her feet. Women speak volumes with their legs. If her ankles are crossed tightly or she’s constantly moving them, this is a sign of defensiveness. Back off a little; you could be making her uncomfortable. If her foot slips out of her shoe or she’s crossed her legs and she’s bouncing one leg up and down, this is a good thing. A woman taking her foot out of her shoe is usually a sign of relaxation, and bouncing one leg up and down, well, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what that motion signifies. But beware if her shoes are completely off; she may be too comfortable. You better make your sexual desires known before you get dumped in the "friend zone."

Another mistake men often make is becoming too aggressive too quickly. Men feel pressure to amplify their signals when there is competition or the girl is not responding. This is the worst thing you can do. Back off a little and let her come to you. Walk into another room and see if she follows. Men tend to invade the personal the zone (six inches) too soon. Always let her invade your space first, especially if you’re unsure of her feelings. Being too aggressive might make a girl think you’re only after a one night stand.

Men usually think that some signals are ironclad and non-refutable, like touching, for example. For most men, a touch from a woman only means one thing: hot sex right now (I’ll meet you in the closet in three minutes). But, this may not always be the case. The first thing you want to notice is where she touched you; if it’s on the arm, don’t start unzipping your pants just yet. The arm is the least sexual area of our bodies. A touch on the arm could mean, “I want to start by touching you here to see how you react,” so don’t get discouraged. But it could also mean "you’re funny, I love you like a brother." Wait for her to touch you on the leg. Or, touch her on the arm and see how she reacts.

If you’re lucky enough to actually get the girl to go home with you, congratulations. Now all you have to do is not screw it up. Here are a few important things that I’ve come up with that you should not do once the girl’s in your room.

1. Don’t ask a girl to role play the first time you plan on sleeping with her. If you tell a girl on the first night you’d like her to pretend she’s a dirty older friend of your moms named Rose, chances are you’ll be spending the rest of the night with your hand. Everyone likes role playing, but usually it’s for couples who have been doing it since Reagan was in office.

2. Every girl likes puppies, but if your furry best friend happens to jump on the bed in the middle of doing the nasty, don’t turn to the girl and say, “Is it cool if he stays up here? Sometimes he gets scared at night.”

3. Hide all boxers with cartoon characters on them. A pair of underwear with Scooby Doo on the butt screams “my mommy still shops for me.”

4. Don’t ask us if we could be a little louder. A friend, who shall remain anonymous, once told me a horror story about a guy who told her to scream louder during sex. Some women are screamers and some women are mimes. This isn’t porn; you get what you get.

5. If you mention your old girlfriend, at any point, you don’t deserve to be reading this!

Girl on Girl Crime

What is the deal with the entire girl-on-girl crime? Why am I always hearing girls say “I only hang out with guys” or “I can’t stand hanging out with girls − they’re so catty”?

Is it something they say to get attention, or do they really mean it? This being a blog about relationships, I feel as though I should start with one of the most important types of relationships: friendships.

Men have something women can’t even dream of: male camaraderie. They play sports, play video games or watch football. A guy’s night out involves watching the Chicago Bears or playing halo. If we're lucky, maybe a few minutes to talk about girls.

But what about us girls? When do we bond? A girls night out is usually compiled of looking hot (preferably hotter than your friends), going out and talking about guys (preferably to get noticed by guys). While men are bonding over Cheeto's and football, women are competing over clothes and hair.

Even when boys are younger, they play games like war, chase and hide and seek - all games with clear winners and losers. Little girls play games like house and tea party, with no distinct winner or loser. Therefore, boys can determine who is a winner by clear rules. When the game is over, they move on.

High school was one of the most awkward, self-hating four years of my life, but one of the best memories I have is playing competitive sports. Not because of the competition or the sense of accomplishment, although throwing mud in your opponent’s face while screaming “eat dirt” was always nice, but the fondest memory I have is the female bonding that I experienced with my teammates. We competed together, dressed and undressed together, we’d we cried when we lost, we cried when we won; either way, we cried and laughed together.

We bitched about our coach and our parents, and we never questioned our self esteem. There were no men in the locker room to impress or compete for. The only enemies were those “fat sluts” from the competing school. We weren’t subconsciously fighting over who the prettiest or skinniest girl was. We just tried to find ourselves through a connection to another human; another woman.

I didn’t know it at the time, but we were bonding they way men bond. It's more than just a bond: it’s an unexplained feeling that the people around you know you. They know you because - in a weird way - they are you. These women have breasts, they have a uterus, and they have passion just like me. Something a man could never know. But outside the locker room, in the real world, a woman does nothing more than invent ways to compete.

Fashion and weight aren’t obsessions that man created for woman, they’re obsessions that woman created for woman so that we could compete with each other without acknowledging any competition at all. Somehow, if I’m skinnier or prettier or bagged a hotter and richer guy, that makes me better than my fellow sister. In the words of Mimi Spencer, “being thin in an overeating society is a sign of control,” and being able to maintain that control is a way for women to show their status. See why women are to blame for our obsession with being thin. It's common sense: look at the women on men’s magazines like Playboy and Maxim. The women are skinny, for sure, but not as skinny as the women in vogue. Men like cleavage, and women who are extremely underweight don’t have it.

It’s this logic that drives women to starvation, self hatred and into uttering the words “I hate hanging out with other women − they’re so catty and stupid,” which is just another way to say, "I hate women because I hate myself."

Men compete on the field and in video games. Hell, sometimes men even fist fight their best friend just because they have some “stuff” to work out. But when the fist fight is over, they get to go back to that male relationship that I’m so envious of. Women are fictionally punching each other in the face with every conversation we have, every outfit we wear and every diet we do. If I could go back to my days in the locker room even just once or twice more, I bet I could kick every negative self image I have of myself; that’s how powerful that feeling is. And men, damn them, get it every day. When are we going to learn that we’ll never love ourselves until we start loving our sisters? We can’t have healthy relationships with men until we start having healthy relationships with each other.